Chapter 1
Weiss meets his match.
Summary: Weiss discovers that protocol is easier preached than practiced.
AN: Yes, I admit it. I wrote an original female character. This is before I knew it was generally uncool to create original characters. *grin* A year after the end of this fic, I still love this girl, and I hope you will too. This was my first ever work in progress, begun in October of 2002 and finished in May of 2003.
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Chapter 1: Excuse Me, You've Thrown Off the Emperor's Groove.
CIA Agent Eric Weiss walked purposefully down the hallway, determination written all over his face. Nothing could distract him from the mission at hand. He rounded the corner and stopped short at what he saw. It's too late.
"Ethan, you scumbag, I knew it!"
"Hey, Eric, how's it going?"
"How's it going? You take the last cup of coffee. Again. And then you have the nerve to ask me 'how's it going?' It's going towards an ass kicking if you're not careful."
Ethan Davidson laughed. "See this, Weiss? This is my scared face. I'm so scared of the big bad CIA agent. What do you plan to do, strangle me with your yo-yo cord?"
Eric shook his head, attempting to look menacing. "Never underestimate the power of Yo-Yo, my friend." He took out the Folgers and a new coffee filter. "So tell me, what is the secret? How do you beat me to the coffee counter every single day?"
Ethan leaned up against the counter, sipping his strong, black coffee. "Easy. Never do any real work and train like you're gonna run in the Olympics. Picturing your pissed off face every morning is quite the motivational tactic."
"Glad I could be of some assistance," Eric said sardonically as he set the coffee machine to brew.
"So, how was the rest of the party last night?"
"Pretty good. Which you would have known if you hadn't left at 9:30!"
"Sorry man, the woman calls, I answer. She wants pistachio ice cream, I don't question. I just ask, 'how much?'" He chuckled. "Trust me, life is a lot smoother that way."
"Ah, it's the old 'married, harried daddy-to-be' excuse. You disappoint me, man." Weiss shook his head.
"Just wait, your time will come. Then *you'll* be the one soothing the savage, er, pregnant, beast, er 'vision of womanly beauty.'"
Eric snorted derisively. "Don't count on it. Anyway, speaking of the 'vision,' how's Emma feeling?"
"Post-ice cream, fabulous. Pre-ice cream, don't even ask."
"Give her my best, will ya?"
"Sure thing." While waiting for the coffee to finish brewing, Weiss mused at the changes that were happening all around him. Two of his best friends, who he had once lived the bachelor life with, were now happily married. Looking at Ethan, Eric had to admit that he had never seen him look happier than when he was talking about his wife and upcoming child. *But that sort of thing isn't for me.* Eric knew the risks that he was taking being in the CIA. This life suited him perfectly.as long as he was alone. Some people could balance the risk of the professional life and the responsibilities of a family, but he didn't think he was one of them. As nice as it sounds sometimes, he thought to himself.
"So," Ethan said, snapping Eric out of his reverie, "how'd the presents pile up?"
"It's pretty sad when the only thing you yahoos can think to get me for my 37th birthday is a new yo-yo and a book of bar jokes."
"And you've already read through them, haven't you?"
"You know me too well. Have you heard this one? The number 12 walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer." As he was speaking, he heard his cell phone ring. He looked at the caller ID and smiled. Mike could probably use a good joke right about now. He answered the phone, "'Sorry I can't serve you,' states the barman. 'Why not?!' asks the number 12 with anger showing in its voice. 'You're under 18,' replies the barman."
An amused and decidedly feminine voice replied, "Guess you liked your birthday present."
Ethan asked, "Is that Vaughn?"
"It's one of 'em," Eric answered. "How ya doing, Sydney?"
"I'm a bit shell-shocked. I just heard the worst bar joke in the world, this really idiot friend of my husband's told it to me."
"Love you too, Mrs. Vaughn. How's your less feminine half?"
"Mike? He's great. We've been here for two weeks now, and he's still so excited that we're in France. I wake up to 'Sydney, we're in Paris!' every single morning." She chuckled. "No thanks whatsoever to me, Christian now knows how to say 'mama,' 'daddy,' 'what's that?' and 'in big trouble' in French."
Eric smiled at the thought of his 2 year old godson. "And how's the Holy Terror?"
"Hold the holy, add an extra dash of terror, and you've got Christian. And of course, he's got me tied around his little chubby finger." Eric could hear the motherly pride emanating from the transatlantic connection. "I take it the big 3-7 went well?"
Eric realized the coffee had finished brewing and reached to pour himself a cup. "It went. And somehow ended with a bunch of half-drunk CIA agents, a yo-yo and a really bad joke book."
"I've heard some of your originals, Weiss. Anything would be an improvement on those."
"Now Sydney, I am deeply offended. I happen to be a comedic masterpiece! Who do you think taught Mike the grasshopper joke?"
She laughed. "Oh, reaaally? So Mr. Smooth Talking Vaughn has to get his pick-up lines from his best friend. Interesting. Well like I told Mike then, it wasn't that funny."
"Hmm, guess I'll have to prove my wit to you. Two men walk into a bar. You'd think."
"One would have ducked," a voice from behind finished with him.
Eric turned around. "Hey, no stealing my thunder. This is a government..." He trailed off as he came face to face with the deepest blue eyes he had ever seen. "Office."
The "thief" laughed and shook her head. "And it can't be considered stealing when you're telling the oldest joke known to man. Now this." she grabbed the cup of coffee he had just poured, "is stealing." She winked at him and turned to walk away. Eric stood there, wondering who that was and what the hell had just happened.
Ethan laughed at what he had just witnessed. You don't steal Weiss's thunder, he jokingly thought to himself. That's worse than throwing off the emperor's groove.
"That one wasn't much better.hey, still there?" Sydney's voice cut into Eric's stupor.
"Yeah, sorry."
"I need to get going, but Mike, Christian and I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. See you when we get back to L.A., and please, try to keep the jokes to a minimum."
"No problem," Weiss muttered, reaching out to get another cup of coffee. "Bye Syd. Tell Mike I'll give him a call later." He pressed the end button on the phone and turned to Ethan. "Who was that?"
"Apparently, someone who couldn't wait for coffee."
"She must be taking lessons from you. Seriously though, is she new? I've never seen her before." I would have remembered eyes like that.
Ethan laughed wryly. "Man, I have no idea. Just let it go."
"Yeah. See you later." Eric took his coffee and started walking back to his office. Note to self. Buy personal coffee machine. And get a new joke book.
Posted by Carrie on 11:05 AM