Part 4
"It's never just Jack and Sydney. There's always one more element that can't be ignored."
It’s in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us
We are lost ‘til we are found
The phoenix rises up from the ground
And all these wars are over
Live
Sydney stands in the circle of Jack's arms, hardly believing that this is her father with her. Tenderness isn’t something she's accustomed to, not from Jack, but somehow it feels right. Almost thirty years after their first meeting, father and daughter are finally able to embrace each other, heart and soul.
She sniffs the tears back and lifts her head off of Jack’s shoulders. "Took us long enough for that, didn't it?"
For the first time in her adult life, she is hit with the full force of Jack's smile. "That it did, sweetheart. And all I can say for that is I'm sorry."
She returns the smile. "Me too." Almost like a home video, her memory plays back all the happy times between her and Jack in her childhood. Jack and Sydney at the park, Jack reading Sydney a bedtime story, Jack holding Sydney's hand at the dentist's office. She smiles wider at the last one. To this day she dislikes dentists, although she supposes she now has a reason, unlike then.
One thing about these memories causes her smile to abruptly stop. It's never just Jack and Sydney. There's always one more element that can't be ignored. It's standing at the bedroom doorway, sitting on the swings at the park, and holding Sydney's other hand at the dentist's. It's waiting patiently in the darkened, empty gym.
Mom.
As if reading her thoughts, Jack runs a hand over Sydney's head and gives her a knowing look. "Sydney. You have to go back in there."
"I know." She pulls out of his arms, immediately feeling the lack of warmth. "Dad?"
"Yes?"
"What should I say to her? What can possibly be said that would make up for all the years apart, all the deception?" She shakes her head disbelievingly, not sure such a thing could happen.
"Sydney, do you love your mother?"
She sighs. "Yeah. I don't want to, but I do."
"Then that's all you or she needs to know. You need each other, Sydney; now is not the time to be divided."
She knows he's right. As lucky as she is to have one parent looking out for her, she knows with absolute certainty that it isn't enough. She wants both of them in her life, forever. She wants her family to be united, like they were in Kashmir. If her world comes falling down again, she needs to know that they're both there to piece it back together.
"Sydney." Her head snaps up to look at Jack. "Go. No matter what, I'll be here when you get through."
Sydney nods, more comforted by that than she lets on. She walks slowly back to the gym, her feet falling in time with the dull thudding her of heart, her senses aware of her father's gaze on her retreating back. All too soon, she's standing at the archway, her eyes scanning the room and falling on Irina.
Irina sits in the middle of the floor, her legs folded in a lotus position, her eyes closed.
"You always used to do that." Irina's eyes flutter open as Sydney walks to the middle of the room. "When I was little, I mean."
Irina smiles, motioning to Sydney to sit down on the mat. "I remember. You would come home from school and ask me why I was sitting on the floor with my legs tangled like that."
"Little did I know that my mother was just jumping on the Zen bandwagon a few years early." Little did I know. What a perfect phrase for my mother.
"So many memories," Irina muses aloud.
"I can't help but wonder how many of them are lies," Sydney shoots back without thinking. She shrugs her shoulders. "I guess it's too late to worry about that."
"No, it's not. Sydney, I know that my deception hurt you, is still hurting you. And you might not believe me, but I'll do anything to make it right." Gone is the hardened woman Sydney is so accustomed to. Gone is the cool assassin. All Sydney sees is her mother.
"So ask me anything you want to know."
"Anything?"
Irina nods. "I'll answer as best I can."
Sydney's eyes fall to the floor, her hand idly rubbing circles on the floor mat. "Did you," her voice cracks, and she clears her throat. "Did you really love us? Dad and me?"
Tears pool in Irina's eyes. She takes Sydney’s chin in her hand and forces her daughter to meet her gaze. "Yes. I could never have lied to you about that. Sydney, I've loved you both since the day you each came into my life."
Sydney smiles tremulously.
"My first glimpse of you was on a hospital screen. You were about three inches long, with no distinguishable features save a strong heartbeat. I looked at you, and looked at your father, and said 'That's our baby, Jack. That's our future.' And you are, sweetheart. You are a mixture of the best and worst of us. My stubbornness, your father's attitude..." Irina smiles wryly. "My, my. It's an astonishment you haven't gotten yourself killed by now, with that combination."
Sydney chuckles. "Well, I've come close more than once, but someone's always there to save me. Dad, Vaughn...you."
"And we always will be."
Sydney takes her mother's hand in her own. "You know, I had so many things I wanted to ask you before tonight. But now..." She holds their hands up, palm to palm, the fingers eerily alike. "We're family, Mom, and we love each other. Oddly enough, that's all I need to know.'
Irina wraps her arm around her daughter, silently thanking God or whoever might be listening for this moment. After a few minutes, Jack's voice cuts through the silence. "Is it safe?"
The women release each other and Irina waves her hand at Jack. "Come, come. I think we're done trying to kill each other, at least for the moment."
Jack seats himself on the mat, arching an eyebrow as Irina makes a dry comment about his creaking bones. Sydney leans back and watches the friendly interaction between her parents, something she hasn't been able to witness for far too long. "Something’s changed with the two of you." She realizes too late that she's spoken this thought aloud.
Irina and Jack glance quickly at each other in a comical, frantic manner. "Well," Irina begins.
"Sydney, well, your mother and I have grown a bit closer lately."
"Of course you have. You’ve been working together and..." Sydney claps her hand to her mouth. "Oh." Her eyes widen. "Really?"
Jack nods almost sheepishly, his hand enclosing over Irina's. "It appears that I am not as immune to your mother as I once would have you believe." He lets out a short bark of laughter at the look of shock on Sydney's face. "Is it really that shocking?"
"Are you kidding?" Sydney grins widely. "But I can't say I'm disappointed. Let's just file this under the 'happy accidents' column."
"As I'm sure Vaughn would agree, you Bristow women are impossible to resist." Sydney blinks in shock. Never has her father cracked a joke about her relationship with Vaughn. In fact, despite the serious events of the night, he seems almost lighthearted. She supposes having her mother in her life again would be good for all of them.
"Oh, wait, Vaughn! What time is it?"
Jack checks his watch. "Almost five. The sun will be up soon."
"We should all get going before someone gets suspicious," Irina says, rising from the floor in one graceful movement. "Before you go, Sydney, I have something for you." She reaches in her back pocket, pulling out a small cream colored envelope.
Sydney reaches for it curiously and opens it. Inside she finds a handwritten note and a wallet-sized photograph. Smiling up from the picture is a gap-toothed, sandy haired boy of about seven or eight. A dark haired woman with vibrant green eyes stands behind the boy, her hands protectively placed on his shoulders. "Oh, Mom," Sydney breathes. "Is this...?"
"Yes. I found that picture in the wallet of a slain CIA agent over twenty years ago." Irina paces in front of Sydney and Jack, wringing her hands in front of her. "The man was nothing to me then, nothing more than an assignment, a contracted hit. On the moment of his death, the man uttered one word—Michael." Her voice breaks. "I had never allowed myself to wonder about the lives of my targets, but that day I sat in my hotel room for hours, grieving for a little boy named Michael who would live the rest of his life without his father. I promised myself that one day, I would go to the boy and apologize for an act which I knew could never really be forgiven." She smiles through her unshed tears. "Never would I have imagined that William Vaughn's family and mine would be combined in such a way, that his Michael would fall so hard for my Sydney. Now I have more reason than ever to make amends. This boy, this man, Michael, he's important to you, yes?"
Sydney nods vehemently. "More important than I could ever say."
"Then he is important to me, even if I'd never had a connection to him before. Please give him that envelope, Sydney."
"Thank you so much, Mom, I will." Sydney knows what this will mean to Vaughn. Even though it won't take the hurt away, it will help him to know that his father's last thoughts were of him. Sydney stands and embraces her mother for what she realizes is the last time, at least for a while. "I guess you're going to disappear again?"
Irina nods regretfully. "I have a flight in a few hours. I have to keep working with Sloane, Sydney. Until he is gone, I, you, our family will never be free. If we are successful, I will turn myself in to the CIA once more and face whatever comes. I promise you."
Sydney bends down to retrieve her forgotten gym bag. "I understand. Just be safe." She kisses her mother and father's cheeks in turn.
"You too, sweetheart. I'll call you soon." Jack brushes a stray strand of hair from Sydney’s face. She smiles and turns to walk away.
One by one, the Bristows exit the deserted gym. Each has much to worry about, but their hearts are considerably lighter than when they entered. One certainty prevails: going on with work, with life, will bring them one step closer to being the family theyd forgotten they wanted to be.
Posted by Carrie on 06:11 AM