Chapter 11
"And you're completely, 100 percent, head over heels in love with him!"
Chapter 11: Oh, God
Caitlin sat at her kitchen table on Sunday morning, tapping her nails impatiently on the surface. "Pick up, pick up," she muttered into the phone. She couldn't meet with Valdez without at least saying goodbye to her family.
"Hello?" Her sister's voice came over the line.
"Haley?"
"Caitlin?" Haley sounded completely and utterly shocked, and for that, Caitlin felt even guiltier than she had before. Personal crisis or no, she shouldn't have ignored her family.
"Yeah, it's me, Hales."
"Oh my God, Cait, how are you? Mom and I have missed you so much. Thanks for all the phone calls," she said sarcastically.
"I know, I know. I should have called. I'm sorry. It's just that, well, let's just say that life has been interesting since I got to L.A."
"Interesting is good...isn't it?"
Caitlin pondered the question. "In some ways, interesting has been very good, Hales. I feel almost happy again, like I have a life worth living. Do you know how long it's been since I could say that?" She was so relieved to be talking to the one person who had always understood her, been there for her.
"Caitlin, I'm so relieved. You deserve to be happy. I'm not gonna lie, I was really worried that this move to L.A. would make things worse, make you think more about David, not less."
Caitlin smiled. Her sister had the biggest heart, and was always worried more about others than herself. "I know, Haley. And even now, David is never far from my mind. The only difference between now and a month ago is that I've learned to cope with the memory of what happened, instead of dwelling on it. Life's too short to waste time like that."
Haley was silent for a long moment, as if she was in shock. Finally, she asked suspiciously, "Alright, who is he?"
"What do you mean?" Caitlin asked innocently. How the hell could Haley know about Eric?
"You know very damn well what I mean. Who's this guy that you met?"
"So, what, I can't heal without a guy motivating every step? I could have dealt very well without him, thank you very much," Caitlin lied.
"Ah ha! So there is a him!" Haley exclaimed triumphantly.
"Damn." Caitlin slumped in her chair. "Me and my big mouth."
"You never were very good at keeping secrets from me, even when we were kids. Who is he, Caitlin?"
Caitlin gave in. "Fine, you win. His name is Eric Weiss. We work together."
"Isn't that frowned upon, dating within the Agency?"
Caitlin sighed, knowing that her sister wouldn't be satisfied with a cursory answer. "Well, we're not exactly dating. It's complicated."
"So, simplify it for me. First off, is he cute?"
Caitlin snorted. "Nice priorities, Haley. But yes, he's very cute. He reminds me of a big teddy bear." Haley laughed out loud at the description, and Caitlin went on. "He's got these amazing brown eyes that sparkle when he's laughing, which is pretty often; but they can flash like ice when he's angry. He's got the most wonderful spirit, is almost childlike in his desire to make life fun and interesting. And yet, he has this serious protective side to him whenever someone he cares about is threatened. And I've never met anyone more dedicated to the job than Eric. He's just fun, and honest, and trustworthy, and strong."
Haley interrupted incredulously, "And you're completely, 100 percent, head over heels in love with him!"
"WHAT?" Caitlin exclaimed.
"Oh, wow, this is fabulous! I can't wait to tell Mom."
"Tell her what? There's nothing to tell," Caitlin denied halfheartedly.
"Are you kidding? Caitlin Marie Sinclair is in love! Forget Mom, that's CNN worthy at the very least."
"But I'm not in love with Eric! I mean, I don't think I am...Oh, holy Jesus." Caitlin lay her head down on her arms. "This can't be happening, this cannot be happening."
Haley's laughter rang over the phone. "What? It's great!"
"God, there are so many things wrong with this! We work together, for one. Besides, we've known each other for less than a month! A few weeks of flirting, a couple of kisses, and I go and FALL IN LOVE with the guy? What is WRONG with me?"
"Look, calm down. This is not the tragedy you think it is. Okay, just to clarify, he has feelings for you too, right?"
Caitlin knew that much was true. "Right."
"That's the most important thing. All your other so-called 'obstacles' are just excuses. The working together thing is the least of your worries."
Not when I'm putting my life into his hands in less than a day, Caitlin thought but didn't say.
Haley's voice abruptly turned serious. "Caitlin, have you told him about David? Why you moved to L.A.?"
"Yeah, he knows everything." Caitlin proceeded to tell Haley about how they had met, and that day in the rain when Eric had discovered the truth.
When she had finished, Haley said, "If you're not going to marry him, can I?"
Caitlin let out a shout of laughter. "You're already married!"
"Oh. Right. Damn." Haley sighed. "Listen, all I'm saying is that if this guy is as amazing as you've made him sound, and he makes you happy, then you should hang on to that. But I'm just your little sister, so what the hell do I know?"
Caitlin smiled gratefully. It was times like these when she really, really loved her sister. "Thanks Hales. I've just got to sort it out in my head first. In love with Eric..." she trailed off, still not really able to believe it. "Anyway, there's something else I need to tell you."
"What?"
"I'm going on a...business trip tomorrow. You know I can't tell you any specifics, but I will tell you that I'm not sure when I'll be back, so don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while."
Haley asked shakily, "How dangerous?" Haley always worried away a few years of her life when Caitlin went on her "business trips."
"Well, prayers wouldn't hurt." Caitlin pushed her hand through her blond hair and sighed. "So, I guess I should call Mom."
"Oh, Cait, Mom's out of town this week. Teacher's conference, remember?"
Caitlin felt ready to cry. She wouldn't get to talk to her mother before she had to face Valdez. "Right. I'll just leave her a message or something."
"Yeah, do that. Hey Cait, I have to go. But WHEN you get back," Caitlin noted the use of "when" and not "if," smiling at her sister's inference, "call us. I love you, Caitlin."
"I love you too, Haley. Bye." Caitlin hung up the phone, cradling her head in her hands. Just do it, Sinclair. She picked up the phone again and dialed her mother's number.
Gathering all her strength, she attempted to sound normal when the answering machine picked up. "Hey, Mom, it's Caitlin. I hope you're having a great time at your conference. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going out of town for work on Monday, but I'll call you when...when I get back. I- - " Caitlin's voice cracked and she swallowed nervously. "I love you so much, Mom. Bye."
~*~*~
Eric pulled his car into the parking lot of the church. When he was a kid, every Sunday his mom would make him put on khakis and a button-down shirt and go to church, whether he wanted to or not. It had been so many years since he last stepped foot in the church that he had actually had to call his mom for directions. He didn't know what he expected to find here; all he knew was that it was the Sunday before the op and he needed to settle his mind.
He walked apprehensively to the big double doors, pulling one open and coming through. He spotted an usher gathering up all the morning's leftover bulletins. "Excuse me," Eric said to him. "I know the services are over, but is the sanctuary still open?"
"Of course, young man," said the elderly usher. "You just go right on in."
Eric nodded his gratitude and moved to the sanctuary, accidentally bumping the table that held all of the church's brochures, sending them fluttering to the ground. "Oh, God, I'm sorry." At the look on the usher's face, Eric realized what he had said. "Oh, um, I don't mean God any disrespect, it's just that I was startled and...I'm just gonna go in now." Shaking his head at his own stupidity, Eric proceeded into the sanctuary and slipped into a pew near the front.
Tapping his fingers on the pew back in front of him, Eric looked around. Stained glass windows, cross hung on the front wall...it was all very typical of what he remembered of church. Well, I remember the decorations, let's see if I remember the drill.
He folded his hands together, gazing up at the sun streaming through the stained glass windows. "God," he started out, "um, I know you haven't seen me in here for a while. I'm not gonna make any excuses, I'm sure you know all of my best ones. Anyway, since it's been so long, I'm not exactly good at this praying thing, but I have to give it a try. You know Caitlin? What am I saying, of course you know Caitlin. Well, the thing is, tomorrow she's going on an op, and...I'm scared for her. We've planned everything out as much as possible, and Vaughn and I will be there for backup, but there's so much unknown in this situation. I know she's capable of taking care of herself, but I'm still so worried. I want to protect her all the time, and that just won't be possible while she's working with Valdez. So, what I'm trying to say is, I need you to look out for her for me. God, I don't know why she matters so much to me. I don't know why I can't just treat this mission like every other one, be the calm and collected professional I'm supposed to be. Whenever she's around, I just lose all my professionalism and objectivity, and that's dangerous. So I'm also asking that you strengthen me, help me to do what I have to do to get her through this. Make our team fast and efficient, and help us bring this man to justice, God. And.keep her safe. She means so much to me." As he said the words, Eric realized just how much Caitlin really did mean to him. Like it or not, she was in his heart.
"And God," a voice came from over Eric's shoulder, "please keep the rest of our team safe. Get them home to their families. Amen."
Eric looked up to find Michael standing in the aisle beside his pew. "Hey. What are you doing here?"
"Same thing as you," Vaughn replied. "I called your mom, she told me where you were." He sat down next to Weiss. "Considering what's happening tomorrow, I'd say this is the best place to be right about now. I can't count how many Hail Marys I used to say when Sydney was still an agent. When you love someone, God's about the only person you'll entrust her safety to, besides yourself." He looked intently at Eric. "You do love her, am I right?"
"I...I don't know. Is love supposed to mess with your head like this?"
Vaughn laughed. "You know it. Love messes with your head, invades all of your thoughts until you can't remember your own name, much less whatever the heck you're supposed to be doing at any given moment. Love keeps you up at night, and makes you drift off into dreamland during the day. It makes you want to tear out your hair in frustration one minute, and dance on the tabletops in jubilation the next. Sound familiar?"
The definition hit him straight in the gut. "Oh, God, how did this happen? How could I be so damn stupid?" Eric muttered, laying his head down on his hands.
"Hey, pal, watch it, we're in church," Vaughn said teasingly. "So, what's the verdict?"
"You know the stupid verdict. I'm in love with her. Eric Weiss loves Caitlin Sinclair. There, I said it. Are you happy now?"
"Couldn't be happier." He punched Weiss lightly on the shoulder. "You know, falling in love is generally considered a good thing."
"I know, I know. We have to get her through this op, and then I'll be happy. Heck, I might even dance for joy."
"I'd prefer you didn't." Vaughn stood up and grabbed Eric's hand. "Come on, Sydney wants you to have dinner with us." As they walked back toward the exit, he asked Eric, "So, when are you gonna tell her?"
"Oh, man, isn't it bad enough that I'm head over heels in love with her? Now I've got to tell her? The man has to do all the hard crap."
"Preaching to the choir, man. You're preaching straight to the choir."
~*~*~
Caitlin walked to the door when the doorbell rang. "Hey." She grinned at Eric. "Sorry to call so late."
"What's that? I know I don't hear Caitlin Sinclair apologizing." He walked into the living room and closed the door behind him. "What's up, beautiful?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to see you before...before tomorrow." She surprised him by grabbing his neck in a fierce hug, burying her head against his chest.
His arms went around her. "Hey, call me as often as you want, as long as it always ends like this."
She lifted her head and smiled up at him. "So, you gonna kiss me or what?"
"If I have to," he said teasingly as he bent his head. "You women are so bossy," he whispered as his lips met hers.
Neither of them wanted to think about what the next day would bring. With each kiss, they made themselves forget what had been weighing on their minds all day. With each touch, they were freer from the worries that dragged them down. Caitlin sat on the couch, pulling Eric down with her.
After several minutes, Eric pulled away. "Caitlin." She responded by kissing him again. "Caitlin, honey...I can't believe I'm saying this, but we have to stop."
She looked questioningly into his eyes. "Why?"
"Because..."
I love you. No. Too soon, Weiss.
"Because I can't control myself when I'm around you. You drive me absolutely insane. I want you so much, but not like this." He sat up, raking his hands through his hair. "If we were together tonight, at least for me, it would seem like we were doing it because we were afraid we won't ever have another chance. And I won't do that, give up on hope like that." He framed her face with his hands. "We're going to work tomorrow. It's going to be like any normal operation. We will do the job and come home, safe and sound."
"I wish I could be so sure," she murmured.
"Well, I'm sure enough for the both of us. In a war between some idiot South American and Caitlin Sinclair, I'm betting on Sinclair every single time. Especially when there's a dash of Weiss for backup." His eyes darkened with desire. "And when this is all over, then I can be with you the way I've been dreaming of. No limitations, no dark enemy to overcome. I truly believe it'll be worth the wait."
Caitlin knew that if she wasn't already completely in love with him she would be after that speech. How could she not love a man who wanted to be with her that much? "You're right. Guess we know who's the brains of this relationship."
"Well, I do have my moments."
"So, does this mean you're leaving me to sleep in that big bed, all by myself?"
"Not a chance, unless you're intending to kick me out."
She leaned forward to place a long, lingering kiss on his lips. "As long as you don't steal the covers, I think I'll let you stay. You're comfortable to cuddle with." She winked at him, and then grabbed his hands, pulling him off the couch.
"Again with the teddy bear references," Weiss complained good-naturedly as he followed Caitlin to the bedroom. "You know, you could give a guy a weight complex."
Posted by Carrie on 08:13 PM